For a lot of families, the teen years are the most turbulent. Even if there isn’t a lot of trouble, it seems as if the child has changed overnight.
This is a time of becoming independent. But maybe not too independent. I’ve heard a speaker at a PTA meeting state, “the teen is saying leave alone, don’t go away.”
This idea helped me with my middle daughter. Her brother got easier as he got older. He was such an active kid and as a teen he had mellowed out. He was 14 when I thought, I think I can do this teen thing…
Then she turned 12. She went from being a happy outgoing kid to very unhappy. Her life was miserable, nothing was right and it was all my fault.
One day as we were standing in the kitchen yelling. I thought, I really don’t want to be here doing this, what can I do different? Then I remembered what I had heard.
If my daughter was really telling me “Go away, don’t leave me.”, then yelling wasn’t going to help. So I stopped yelling and went over and hugged her until she hugged me back.
She always hated when I remembered to stop an argument and give her a hug. However, I wouldn’t move until she hugged me back.
Even though her brother and sister weren’t as explosive in their expression, I’d go and give them hugs, or pat them on the back. Just to let them know I was there and I cared.
We’ve weathered the teen years and have much better relationships. I think a lot had to do with the hugs.
Have you hugged your teen today?
Laura
Primary Parenting On Purpose
laura@primaryparentingonpurpose.com
primaryparentingonpurpose.com
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